Love & Misadventure by Lang Leav
I’ve never laughed so hard in my life LOL
Neither do I, Viv. Neither do I.
So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
Those calm with energy and promise underlying the surface type of summer days.
My last day was random and I didn’t tell anyone at work as to not make a big deal of it…but when people came up to me shocked or sad and those who shook my hand and hugged me…I came to realize how much I’m going to miss this silly lot, the random conversations and the days when we all were stressed out and wanted to shoot ourselves in the face.
The customers/regulars that took the time to talk to me and see me off of my last day also made me smile. I mean tips are/were great but it’s the simple relationships, the fact that some people made it a point to always acknowledge me, thank me or ask me when I worked or how I was…all whom were complete strangers or people I recognized by their orders or quirks—-that was the ultimate reward I achieved through this job and what I felt made it worth it. I realize how much I love connecting to people and making sure that people are ok. lol.
I see things, “good” service and people a little differently, yes, and yes I still believe that you see the worst of humanity when people are waiting, impatient and hungry but nonetheless I enjoyed being a waitress. I thoroughly enjoyed defying what my parents said I could not do or that was not capable of doing and showed them I could do it well (as well as change their mind on their treatment of people in the service industry lol). I thoroughly enjoyed exposing myself to a dose of the real world and I enjoyed the growth process and adjustment I had to go through because of it. And I especially enjoyed being able to make some of the crankiest, difficult customers happy or even satisfied enough to crack a smile and leave a tip. lol Despite the long work hours of heavy lifting, of sore feet and back muscles and even more so strained patience: I loved it. And I think that maybe, it showed.
I’m honestly, going to miss it. all.
Love isn’t about
fucking each other
at any opportunity.
It also isn’t about
how many months
that you’ve been together.
love is about
being able to see light
inside of the person
who knows nothing
In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.
Haiku day 77:
Because you take up more space.
Walk like you’re the Sun.
Going through my emails and the motions of my morning routine while sitting in class zoning out and I came across the email she forwarded me. I know the intention was to motivate and break some ice, but I can’t help but feel the intimidation as well as the determination kick in on overdrive. Creating some kind of crazy hyper focused adrenaline/endorphin cocktail of the mind.
Intimidation in the sense where not only do I feel honored and undeserving, I feel as though she was right to say that although I’m raw around the edges and I’m passionate about the people and helping out, I am so sheltered and unrefined. I am a work in progress. I have yet to see what growth I need to go through as an individual in order to handle all this responsibility and to live up to certain expectations.
The determination, comes from some deep rooted feelings that stem off of some childhood issues lol. I used to hate (and I still feel a little strange) when people would gauge me and identify me as my mother’s daughter. It’s taken awhile until I matured a bit and learned to be proud about that title rather than resentful or wary. I now understand and see it as a challenge to see past people’s ulterior motives, see past the dollar signs, appreciate sincerity all the more, and not disappoint. I am not only taking after the headstrong ways of mother but also taking after my grandmother. And it was my grandmother who taught me at an early age that the women in our family have the capability to kill with kindness, walk with a head held high and see the world with eyes empathetic and wise.
This opportunity, this unexpected turn, I realize the more I learn: is the first step in my thousand step journey. I can only hope that I grow fast enough and will be able to become that strong woman that will be able to make a difference in this world.
Small or not.