Sometimes I wonder...
if you really do care for me. I guess like many girls, I want(ed) an outright declaration. Something concrete, something that YOU put out on the table for once rather than holding out and keeping everything to yourself behind your steel walls of defense. A reason for me to hold on, despite all the fights and misunderstandings. Just a simple reassurance that I’m not alone in this.
But then I stop myself, take a step back and realize that in your own way you do “tell” me everyday. Or rather you show me. Despite my circumstances, at the end of the day you’re always there waiting for me, just to see my face or talk to me, even if its only for a few seconds. You don’t smoke, roll or drink at all anymore let alone party it up instead you spend your nights home with me webcamming and having movienights. You try your best to understand and look at the brightside of things more often than not (a first for you, you pessimistic bastardl. And you’re always the first to text or call when I hangup or when we separate our ways. You’ve never really said anything gushy or romantic to me without some offhand insult or joke shoved at the end to “cancel” it out but that just makes it even more endearing. I’ve underestimated you this whole time. Your actions speak volumes. I know now that not only are you an asshole, but a gushy romantic one at that. I’m on to you.
No pressure, No diamonds.
